Just A Girly Confession

Sometimes,
I want to open my hijab,
and show the world,
that I too,
am beautiful in the people’s definition.

But,
deep down here,
in my little heart,
I know that beauty is by definition,
a mystery.
and it is forever more rewarding,
to be beautiful in God’s eyes.

Sometimes,
I want to wear ruffled dresses and tight jeans,
show off what I really look like,
under those baggy shirts and loosely fitted pants,
make a statement,
that I too,
have a figure and worth looking at.

But,
I know better,
to avoid entering the world of men’s imagination,
for I love my future husband,
and I am ashamed,
what should be his, has already been unveiled by others.

Sometimes,
I want to show the world,
the other side of me,
the bubblier, bolder, and crazier me.
put myself on display,
for everyone to see,
to be desired, and admired upon.

But,
I know that eyes are not just eyes,
seeing is not just seeing,
image and respect are gained,
shame and humility deserve a better place,

Because in the end,
it is not just about me,
I carry a lot of impressions and expectations,
of what a Muslim girl should be,

I am covered by the word “Islam” the moment I walk out of my door,
So don’t be selfish girl,

Can’t you put behind your heart’s desire for something worth fighting for?

Love is all it takes.
Love.

Credits to iluvislam : A Girl's Heart Desire

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Self update:

Maybe I don't have the second premedic. And I think it will be three more weeks before my take off even though I haven't receive any flight ticket yet.

insya Allah it will be fine. insya Allah. insya Allah. Doakan.

Almost three in the morning.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hye :)

Mungkin selama ni aku ada masalah self esteem. 

Selama ni aku tak pernah tengok gambar aku sendiri berulang kali di facebook.

Aku tak juga selalu lihat siapa yang komen di gambar yang aku di-tagged. 

(kecuali oleh orang yang aku betulbetul sayang)

Lagikan pula mahu upload gambar sendiri jadi profile picture.

Malu.

Itu satu. 

LIKES. Itu beban.

Mungkin korang dah faham apa maksud beban tuu.

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Yang aku tengok, gambar orang lain. Anak comel orang lain. Status hebat orang lain. Tudung lawa orang lain. Gambar lawa captured by iPhone oleh orang lain. Dan bilangan butang LIKE yang ditekan orang lain. 

In a sense, bagus jugak sebenarnya. Tiadalah segala riak penyakit hati datang bersarang bertelur di dada sebab tiada update dari kita jadi tiada lah butang LIKE untuk kita kan....?

But in another small sense,

we tend to forget, yang kita juga orang. 

Malah kita orang paling penting untuk update like status sendiri. Biarlah bukan di facebook mahu di mana pun. Kita terlupa nak jaga hati perasaan kehendak diri sendiri.

Kejam bukan?

Terikut-ikut dengan orang hingga abaikan apa yang diri perlu. 

Apa yang diri betul-betul perlu. 

Apa yang Allah jadikan kita perlu.

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Aku bermadah niiii sebab aku baru lepas belek-belek gambar aku yang di-tagged dekat facebook.

Most recently oleh kakak aku lah hahaha. 

Ahhhh takde maknanya aku nak upload gambar sendiri. Aku taktau kenapa aku rasa malu sangat padahal bukannya orang tengok pun............ Okay. ORANG TENGOK.

Blablabla, (I wrote something and deleted it) 

I wanna keep some of the private thoughts to myself though in some of this issue.

I cannot reveal everything here lorhhh.. bahaya. haha

Whatever it is,

Alhamdulillah for all of these. 

The memories captured, the people I've met (though I tend to forget/acting awkward etc), and the loves of course.

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Aku insya Allah masih berniat untuk ke Mesir. Tapi flight dalam bulan 10 nanti kot. 

Dan masih bercuti selama seminggu kot insya Allah, sebab ada premedic dua pulak nanti..

Mohon doa kan kesejahteraan, murah rezeki, dipermudahkan perjalanan menuju cinta Ilahi, menuntut ilmu, mengikut jejak Asma' Abu Bakar, Asma' al-Beltaji, Asma' al-syahid..

wallahu'alam.

p/s to self : appreciate yourself enough. Know what's your priority in this LIFE, 

........which is to only please Allah. insya Allah. Take a hold on the nafs. PLEASE OH MY ALLAH!